It’s Not Pedophilia; It’s Men: The Stupidity Behind Tumblr’s Porn Ban

Somewhere down the information highway

The first time I met a “pedophile” was on the other end of a webcam. No, I was not a little boy being solicited by a lurking monster, the modern-day menace in the bushes with penis in hand. I was a graduate student in social sciences and invited to help assist this group on non-offending pedophiles. I would help create a workshop for clinicians and even members of law enforcement to better understand the complexities and stigmas such people face. It is shocking how little psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers know about these men (almost all are men) but also about human sexuality.

To my surprise, when the person came on screen, I thought to myself, wow, he actually looks like a normal human being.

And you know what, we was.

Whenever we hate a group, regardless of what that group is, we silence that group.

If the reader gets anything out of this article, I hope it is this: Whenever we hate a group, regardless of who that group is, we silence them. This creates what historian Arthur Miller calls the “chain of destruction” (See The House I Live In). It’s important — or I will get hanged from a tree — to distinguish that the term “pedophilia” is very much misused by law enforcement, the FBI, and almost all news media because they have a different agenda. Who cares about these “perverts,” so why care about their rights? However, their rights are your rights. We have to know the population we are discussing, or we end up with a false truth, and, at its worst, fake news.

However, their rights are your rights. We have to know the population we are discussing, or we end up with a false truth, and, at its worst, fake news.

The “Popular-Rage Induced” Definition

In social media, media, and in law enforcement, “pedophilia” means one that has committed a sex offense against a child. They are pieces of trash that deserve no protection. They should be tortured. That is probably what you believe, but that is not only a conflation, it is a lie. Why should we care? I care and I think you should because I don’t want to harm innocent people, people that if they chose to be attracted to kids, they would want to be the most hated people on the planet. I think the news media and law enforcement understand they are misusing the term; they just don’t care. They feel the concern for children triumphs over concern for “creeps, freaks, and perverts.” That is a big mistake.

“The way I see it, you are either for the victim or for the offender.”

As one police officer told me, “The way I see it, you are either for the victim or for the offender.” This is the overly simplistic black and white world that so many in law enforcement function, in part, because they have to shield themselves from so much ugliness. There are bad guys and good guys. Some of this plays out in Comey’s article on truth. Many experts in morality and ethics can easily challenge Comey’s concept of truth as being childish and too simplistic. Keep in mind he was the director of one of the most powerful law enforcement agencies in the U.S.

“When good conquers evil then good becomes evil.”

In the end, such logic fails to see the world the way it really is, complicated. There can be bad cops and good criminals. As one philosopher noted, “When good conquers evil then good becomes evil.” We can just as easily blame Comey for tampering and ruining the election: Clinton’s chances to win diminished after Comey came forward. Was he a good guy or bad guy? I will let history be the judge, but based on a person’s moral justifying, he is probably good or bad to that person. My point is that such was probably not Comey’s intention; he is a complex human being, just like the rest of us and just like those creeps we like to hate.

The Definition According to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

Pedophilia has two parts, and even this is way too simplistic and ridiculous. A pedophile (or pedophilia) is a person that has sexual attraction to kids under the age of twelve that show little or no sexual development (secondary sex characteristics). This gets muddy because girls are showing sex characteristics at 8.9 years of age (that, I argue is not really pedophilia), so much so that many medical doctors are worried. By in large, people are attracted to age groups. You can be a pedophile and work with kids, lead a completely “normal” life, and not offend. Experts estimate that there are between 16–20 million minor-attracted people in the U.S.

She notes that the problem with the experts on sex offending and “pedophilia” is that they never study the whole population; they only study those that offended.

In fact, the same expert on child abuse and sex offending notes, most “minor-attracted” people (we will get to this definition in a moment) never offend against a child or look at child pornography. That is a myth. She notes that the problem with the experts on sex offending and “pedophilia” is that they never study the whole population; they only study those that offended.

They are your friends, neighbors, service members, even police officers. It also can harm their children, and I thought children are the ones we want to protect?

This can paint a false picture of offenders and can harm fathers, sons, brothers, and many men you know in your life. They may have done something wrong (looking at CP) though most don’t, but they are not perpetrators or monsters lurking in the bushes. They are your friends, neighbors, service members, even police officers. It also can harm their children, and I thought children are the ones we want to protect?

Even for those that looked at child pornography (CP), they do not pose the same risk that mixed or contact offenders do and show less attraction to kids than some mixed offenders (though keep in mind that many sex offenders are not sexually oriented to their victims). For more, see Seto’s report to the United States Sentencing Commission where he notes that CP possession-only offenders appear low risk to offend.

Liking kids is not enough.

Then there is pedophilic disorder, and this is where we can see sex offending (or mixed offenders similar to Larry Nassar). People with the disorder can also have Anti-Personality Disorder, severe depression, things like PTSD, and other mental health issues that make them at risk or go off the rails. Liking kids is not enough.

Our minds do not distinguish between being shocked by disgust or shocked by being attracted to something the society says is disgusting. That is something that should get our attention.

It’s not sexual attraction that is the problem, it is a series of other factors, often ones that affect all of us: anxiety, depression, not fitting in, and having people continuously stigmatize and humiliate an individual. In following that argument, it seems we have a chicken or egg argument about what came first, the disorder or the stigmatizing of it. The real problem may we the severe stigma placed on a guy that gets turned on watching Dance Moms. He may get so scared and ashamed that such manifests itself into a “disorder.” He will run from the attraction, but it will keep nudging him. Our minds do not distinguish between being shocked by disgust or shocked by being attracted to something the society says is disgusting. That is something that should get our attention.

… sexual attraction is not the driving reason or “smoking gun” to rape or molestation. It’s about power, control, and several other possible mental health factors. If it were, then women should not wear clothing that “entices” heterosexuality.

Though pedophilia is noted as a factor in abuse of children (DSM), such a factor is problematic because we could say the same for homosexuality or heterosexuality: being attracted to a dude or women can lead to a sex offense. Maybe it can, but sexual attraction is not the driving reason or “smoking gun” to rape or molestation. It’s about power, control, and several other possible mental health factors. If it were, then women should not wear clothing that “entices” heterosexuality. I think you see where I am going with this.

In his article on “chronophilia” a worldwide expert on sex offending and pedophilia notes that attraction to age groups is “and orientation of age.” It is not a sickness. You all like what you like, and if you like danger, you have to be a bit more careful. We should help guide these individuals not attempt to kill them off through social or actual genocide or through constant shaming or in naming our police unit a “Pedophile” unit. In reality, that is a violation of federal law because pedophilia falls under the auspices of a mental illness or an orientation. Research is leaning toward the latter (it’s no mental illness, but it can possibly create such through public shaming). I think I can take it to court, but the courts are more political than scientific. Judges need votes after all. They are political animals.

Looking at images of children engaged in sex acts with others or themselves is a crime, but what makes us think that only pedophiles look at such images?

In sum, liking a 9-year old in a bathing suit is not a danger. Attacking one is. Looking at images of children engaged in sex acts with others or themselves is a crime, but what makes us think that only pedophiles look at such images? In my work with child pornography offenders, few were attracted to kids. They were after thrill, and many suffered from PTSD and a host of other disorders and challenges, something never brought up in mainstream media or by police. If you were a Marine walking through liquefied body parts, a naked kid may not seem like a big deal, but it may provide the same intensity that war did. More surprising is that other studies revealed that the majority of “pedophiles,” about 70 percent are not attracted to girls but boys. Only about 12 percent were exclusively attracted to girls and roughly 14 or so were attracted to both. If this is true, then why were (are) so many girls abused and why do preteen CP or erotic websites of preteen girls outnumber boys’ sites ten to one, as noted by sex abuse researchers in the UK? For one, as I noted, girls develop earlier. And …

Should we ban girlhood or boyhood from these platforms because doing a split, eating ice cream, or showing one’s bare feet is seen as pornography? Maybe they are just kids being kids? Maybe we are adults being adults? Where does the nonsense end?

Because “normal men” are doing the abusing and the looking, something our culture does not want to address, so we pick the soft target instead, the most maligned group on the planet. Such avoidance or misunderstanding will do nothing to address what sex really is and will do less to protect children. The Tumblr issue will open this can of worms because platforms like Pinterest and YouTube are loaded with young girls (and boys) images and videos, and while not pornography, they can be suggestive, or one can imagine them as such. Should we ban girlhood or boyhood from these platforms because doing a split, eating ice cream, or showing one’s bare feet is seen as pornography? Maybe they are just kids being kids? Maybe we are adults being adults? Where does the nonsense end?

We have to distinguish between those we are pissed off at and who is a danger to society …

We have to distinguish between those we are pissed off at and who is a danger to society, a statement I often heard from those in corrections. That means having good, sincere, and truthful discussions about sex. No, not just “positive sex” because positive sex may be a coping mechanism, an avoidance strategy, that pulls us away from how we really feel about sexual arousal. Healthy sex is necessary and important, but such does not define us or limit us. That is why when we created taboo almost everyone wanted it (see Adam and Eve for reference).

In the virtual age, especially, such an idea is outdated and even potentially dangerous. We are curious by nature, and the way we act about sex is the same way we act about violence or some major event: we want to see it. That is not criminal; it is human.

Sex is not just about “man and wife” or dude and dude in the bedroom. Most of us want positive relationships and seek intimacy. I know I do, and men and boys want this as much as women and girls want it; however, we are fooling ourselves if we think that we can suppress our darker desires and attractions over the many years we are in a relationship or are alone. In the virtual age, especially, such an idea is outdated and even potentially dangerous. We are curious by nature, and the way we act about sex is the same we act about violence or some major event: we want to see it. That is not criminal; it is human. A criminal act is witnessing a crime and not reporting it or creating the crime. I am guessing that most men and women have seen illegal pornography (child or non-consensual) because how would they know? Laws in the country are not written to be understood. They are written to temporarily sooth the manufactured rage we all feel.

Isn’t using minor-attraction just an excuse to normalize offending behavior of children?

Should we build more prisons and have more offender registries, both of which do nothing to deter crime except for the most dangerous among us? Social media platforms may not distinguish between kids being kids and kids being exploited online. From Tumblr’s point of view, all sex has just become illegal.

Nothing above justifies the exploitation and abuse of kids, because loving a child, having romantic feelings for a child, or even a fantasy about a child is not sex offending. A crime has to exist in order for it to be a crime. There are efforts to change this, and we see it in Tumblr’s response to its users, but this is an extremely dangerous position because the policy does not distinguish between a kid in dance competition or them at home twerking and a sexual act, as noted above. Censorship has never worked. In strict Victoria England, they may have been fond of propriety for suppression of the tantalizing but also had a dark appetite, one of the largest pornography industries in history. Should we build more prisons and have more offender registries, both of which do nothing to deter crime except for the most dangerous among us? Social media platforms may not distinguish between kids being kids and kids being exploited online. From Tumblr’s point of view, all sex has just become illegal.

I call people what they want to be called.

More and more people use the term “minor attracted” because like any group of people, there is much diversity. The guy I spoke with turned out to have attraction to young boys but was attracted to adult women. He was married and had kids, never offended. Some are attracted to adolescent kids (12–14; think braces), others are simply fascinated by girlhood or boyhood. Some are interested in “Daddy-Daughter” DOM that really has nothing to do with pedophilia, but where a man and woman (or a gay couple) consensually role-play, one being the “little girl” (a bad girl or an innocent one) and the other playing the submissive or aggressive dad. These are adults playing consenting adult roles. We cannot use the word “pedophile” to someone attracted to a fourteen-year old because that is not what it is. In fact, “girls in braces” is a major category in adult pornography.

I call people what they want to be called. It shows a person respect. You don’t have to like anyone, but I do think civility over hate and anger makes more progress in the long run.

Sexualized Minors are Everywhere, Just Open Your Eyes

“If the sexualization of young girls wasn’t normal, then there would not be so damn much of it. I say, you dress for success.”

Maybe we have to accept that youth is beautiful, and that is what we all are really afraid of. A top psychologist, one that worked with federal law enforcement agencies, told me this, “If the sexualization of young girls wasn’t normal, then there would not be so damn much of it. I say, you dress for success.” He or she did not mean illegal images. We need to protect exploited children. I know. I read the Statement of Charges in several child pornography cases. They are horrible. The psychologist meant that youth is sought after, but we all deny and get enraged when it is brought up. We need to have the conversation without resorting to censorship. It’s okay to be uncomfortable, but it’s not okay to feel unsafe.

Just like there is no gay virus that makes metal-pumping, football-loving dudes into sassy cooks with pink aprons, understanding what it’s like to be attracted to kids will not make us sexual predators. We like what we like. It will just make us more knowledgeable and humane.

I was afraid that if I spoke to this guy that I would become a pedophile. I felt the same way when I was younger and anti-gay. Just like there is no gay virus that makes metal-pumping, football-loving dudes into sassy cooks with pink aprons, understanding what it’s like to be attracted to kids will not make us sexual predators. We like what we like. It will just make us more knowledgeable and humane. It may just make fewer kids get abused. It can help us deal with our own abuse as children in surprising and life-changing ways. I know it has form me.

These are of kids being kids, but others, often those with hidden or suppressed attraction, or of abuse histories, see something sexual: noting that we have to ban anything that shows any skin because pedophiles lurk, that pedophilia will be enticed, all the while, leaving out who is actually looking.

Places like YouTube, Snapchat, Facebook, and Pinterest have millions and millions of images and videos of kids, many getting hundreds of thousands and even millions of views.These are of kids being kids, but others, often those with hidden or suppressed attraction, or of abuse histories, see something sexual: noting that we have to ban anything that shows any skin because pedophiles lurk, that pedophilia will be enticed, all the while, leaving out who is actually looking. Just look at the second Sia video again, nearly 1 billion and counting:

It’s high time we start looking at ourselves and asking why we are so outraged by the word “pedophilia” and how it summons us to rage. I have a feeling that it’s not about them. It’s about us. We cannot give justice to sexuality if we only allow sterile and unrealistic definitions of what sex is. Sexual attraction simply is, and no law or censorship will ever move us toward common sense. It may just get law enforcement’s stats up, news media ratings up, and your blood pressure up, but we will not limit child abuse because those in power don’t really care. They only care about the bottom line and getting reelected. We must think about sexuality intelligently whether we feel such is “good” or “bad.”

Here is a podcast of this essay.

Sources Noted

Under Definition

Grady, M.D., Levenson. J.S., et al. (2018, October 11). “I Can’t Talk About That”: Stigma and Fear as Barriers to Preventative Services for Minor-Attracted Persons. Stigma and Health. Advance online publication. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/sah0000154

Levenson, J.S., & M.D. Grady (2018). “Preventing Sexual Abuse: Perspectives of Minor-Attracted Persons About Seeking Help.” Sexual Abuse, pp. 1–23. DOI: 10.1177/1079063218797713.

Seto, M.S (2007). Pedophilia and Sexual Offending Against Children. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Here is another source that tells this story pretty well:

https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.nasw-md.org/resource/resmgr/2018calendarpages/naswfall2018final.pdf (See page 11)

A Conversation with God: From an Agnostic that Sometimes Prays

Dramatic nature background

[The following is a hologram of my imagination of what I believe to be brought on by migraines, creativity, or madness. My conversation with God is not to be misconstrued as anything close to faith, for I rarely believe in what is not there or deny in what is.]

The creator is often seen as being male and infinite, and to avoid confusion in such a gendered language as English, I will refer to God as God. God’s resume is very long, but one of God’s many accomplishments was the formation of this universe among the countless others. I cannot begin to tell you how honored I am that God agreed to do the following interview. To be so flawed and accepted by one so great, when clearly God has so many better and more faithful choices, leaves me so humbled that I must inscribe myself as “unworthy one.”

unworthy one: What is the meaning and purpose of life?

God: To open your eyes and to close them with a smile

unworthy one: Why is there such hate in this world?

God: Because there is much pain in this world

unworthy one: Why then is there pain like this?

God: misdirection

unworthy one: Do people have a chosen destiny?

God: yours?

unworthy: I want to write and write like hell but no one reads it. No one controls destiny?

God: write

unworthy one: Are we all misdirected?

God: “All” can be such a sin

unworthy one: what is the right faith?

God: That gives true hope

unworthy one: But many speak of the “Word of God” for example?

God: Not mine?

unworthy: Are men and women equal?

God: L-I-F-E is equal

unworthy: Why genocide, why World War II, why millions dead in Rwanda, why mass shootings, these crazy elections?

God: you become what you think

unworthy: why do people die?

God: Because people kill them

unworthy: They get disease and …

God: it’s a cycle … hate is not

unworthy: But why?

God: truth lies in those you trust … a week is 3 billion years … all in a time warp …

unworthy: Many will read this and say why did you speak with H-I-M and not those of faith?

God: because you spoke to me without a mask

unworthy: Any advice to the others?

God:  mercy is always worthy …

unworthy: Many people need you …

God: So do I.

unworthy: where are you?

God: In seeing the world, in seeing life differently, in seeing a setback as an opportunity, a disability as a gift, and riches as a curse; to see life, to smell it, taste it, to embrace what lives and mourn what has not, to see that when love conquers evil it may become so; evil follows goodness so. Twins at birth. Sometimes God can be the Devil, you know.  Evil is not Black or White; white is a color of life here and one of death over there. Black shows evil here and peace and new beginnings somewhere not yet here.

embrace life

love what you question

fear not what you know not

______

Here is the podcast of the interview.

Does Feminism have You Worried? Try Chick-in-the-Box

The following contains mature language and may be offensive to some; adults only.

Depositphotos_49692699_original

Does the term rape culture have you pissed off lately? Have you had enough of feminists trying to tell you that you are mansplaining? Are you just plain sick of your girlfriend—you know that girl you follow on Facebook that says leave her alone, but you think “no” means yes?

Have you finally had enough of talking at women and trying to understand them, when you know what is right? They don’t get it or understand you? Tired of women not smiling all the time because them smiling at you means they want you?

Well, I have the lifesaver for you. Now you can order a real lifelike Chick-in-the-Box. That’s right. Chick-in-the-Box gives you all of a girls’ best features while eliminating things we all hate so much about real women.

  • Chick-in-the-Box does not gain weight; her weight is preset.
  • Chick-in-the-Box has hair where it counts—on her head—and nowhere else.
  • Chick-in-the-Box requires no birth control or use of condoms.
  • Chick-in the Box has no self-esteem, so she works in any sexual position including but not limited to gang bangs, jerk circles, forced, single and multiple oral sex, and the thing no real woman would ever do: the money shot. She will even let Rover clean up the mess you make of her (though this is not recommended).
  • Chick-in-the-Box, unlike a real woman, is very low maintenance. She requires no food, unless you are a food-o-phile. She is perfect from head to toe.
  • Chick-in-the-Box accepts all major fetishes, from hair to foot fetishes.
  • Chick-in-the-Box won’t judge you because she appreciates how hard you work and good you are.
  • Chick-in-the-box likes all penis sizes and even an occasional vagina.
  • Chick-in-the-Box has no voice. She comes with the “fuck-and-forget” feature. As soon as you climax (time varies between two seconds to one minute), you can forget she is there and get the sleep you need. We do, however, offer the Bitch-in-the-Box model for those men that like smacking after a little bitching. Her voice comes with an off switch, don’t worry.
  • You can cheat on Chick-in-the-Box with our other versions. She won’t mind.
  • Chick-in-the-Box is fully customized to fit your worthy expectations and desires. You can chose her hair color, skin color, nipple size, nipple color, type of vagina, finger and toe nail polish, race, height and even age is unlimited.
  • Finally, Chick-in-the-Box will stay with you forever. And we mean forever with our “You will Freak Everyone Out But Your Friends Will Bang Her if You Have Friends Guarantee.”*

Hurry and order now. Once men find out about Chick-in-the-Box, they will soon be all gone. Prices start at $6,500.00. Just imagine: right now you could be fucking instead of talking.

*Disclaimers: Chick-in-the-Box looks so real that the postal service may confiscate your package assuming there is a dead body being delivered to your residence. Expect a delay during delivery.

There have been reports that the doll’s eyes follow customers around the room, the heads turn backwards, and that some dolls vomited on the customer (though after further investigation, it was the dude’s old rancid bodily fluids. You do have to clean Chick-in-the-Box regularly. The fuck-and-forget feature does not offer self-cleaning at this time.

We advise against hiding Chick-in-the-Box in the closet, under the bed, in the attic or basement since she may feel victimized or cause someone who would actually come to your place of residence to have cardiac arrest, except those with warrants for your arrest.

We strongly urge costumers not to throw Chick-in-the-Box in a dumpster or on the curb for trash pick-up, as this will result in a 911 call and even media coverage of you and your residence for a suspected murder. 

Do not bury or hack the limbs of Chick-in-the-Box because that’s just wrong.

Do not set Chick-in-the-Box on fire because you would be sick to do such a thing.

We do not take refunds on your used goods. We suggest that if you want to get rid of Chick-in-the-Box, sell her used ass on E-bay and be sure to clean her. Good luck with that.

We suggest you adopt Chick-in-the-box as a member of your family. Don’t worry, your mother already figured out that there is little hope for you. We even include a “condolences” card for your mother.

Dying in Artificial Coolers

Blue and purple nebula
Blue and purple nebula on black space background (depositphotos.com)

What if your life was at the bottom of that dude’s cooler?

Your eternity, that bit of liquid there;

You see it, rolling around the Styrofoam seams

Lost, wandering, this way and that way

Until it dries up, or the dog licks it

In hopes of something better.

You, YOUR life and dreams,

What then?


What does 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60

Or 70 matter … a century even?

Some live a week, maybe only a day;

Others lose count or don’t count.


They simply stop working.


It could be worse, right?

It could be maybe that muddy hole instead?

You know, the one your bare-child foot got stuck in

Back when you had hope and dreams?

No, better than plastic-type white;

This one dark, warm and dirty — the primordial soup

— A mommy’s womb — ;

The other bright, artificial and painfully clean.


What we all seem to want but do not want.


What we want to be but are not.

But critters lie there

Or do they lay?

Often hard on the outside, soft on the inside;

We, all wrong, soft on the outside and hard on the inside.

What if we are like bugs, too?


What if God is the squished bug you see over there

On that old book that no one reads

But you keep for no reason?

You like its oldness but don’t care about the inside.

Books are not like people with God’s innards smashed on the outside.


Maybe he, no her, yes, her

Those girls don’t need us.

They clone themselves and make a better you-me.


Because they cannot find love anyway.


But did you ever look close enough?

To stare at the dark eyes, all chocolate chip,

And see what 120 million years sees?

What does she see in thee and thee see in she?


What if a bug is more than a bug?

What if they are significant — in years —

And prophesied that they flew around the sun?

That they are the center?

How many have you killed

Like the dog that licked you up

Or the half-eaten chicken wing that you cannot finish?


It died for that.


Its whole life to be “lick’in” or bitten only once

And tossed aside,

The creator mushed on a book;

Your life a pang of indigestion;

What if you could see you like others see you?

What a legacy in thee?


Are humans that important?

But how many have fallen in coolers, in mud pits,

Or down a nose and throat

And were swallowed?

No worries, they are healthy, much protein

Even spiders and houseflies.


Even you, with some extra fat and sugar though.


She made us all wrong.

Too big to be eaten


And too small to save the world.


Maybe we are just a mistake — the experiment that won’t go away — only 4-million years

And for all of this?


Maybe that is eternity? Chocolate chip eyes,

Or little black beads of pearl …


Black holes are where we find them.


No, it’s all wrong, the agnostic prophesy, of the once priest-like

Boy

That loved to love others that did not love back.


I’ve learned that God harbors in dark spaces:

Crouches, lurks, where no “good” soul wants to go.

We run from nature … from the natural

And drown and die in artificial coolers


All the while, believing that we are important.


Look up at the sky

When it’s very dark

Drive out to red-neck country

And get a good view of what lurks above.

It looks just like a chocolate chip eye, the sky,

Only so much bigger than you

Staring back at you.

What is better?

When it’s dark?

Or if it’s white?


Does death know the difference?


Hear the podcast of this poem here.

382 miles away

Depositphotos_43939663_s-2015

I drove back

382 miles and

39 years

To what’s no longer a home.

Searching for something.

 


I killed him years ago,

But we have unfinished business.

The shovel is so cold to the touch,

Sad to think that that such a thing

Puts one in the ground

and

Can dig one back up again.

 


He lay their 39 years, just outside my bedroom window

When I was a child, and I killed him.

It is dark now, rural dark, not like you NYC folks,

So dark that only the demon eyes of my childhood stare back at me.

 


I trace my steps, though much bigger and slower now, but no less scared, maybe more,

to 10 ½ feet just outside the willow tree.

She’s still standing, towering over it, like his anger

That drove him in it.

 


I hesitate; I look around at what was my identity

That no longer belongs to me, and I think that if I get …

 


Let me just dig a little first; I will fit nicely …

I dig in slow motion unconcerned about waking those sleeping

Unconcerned about waking him.

 


It is too dark to see, but I feel myself sinking

Sinking deeper into the clay-laden earth of Western New York.

I think, though numb, will some skin still be there?

Will the head I so often touched be unrecognizable to me?

Will there be his coat of tan and black and grey?

 


I panic, as the soil moans and the shovel screams less discrete

She’s warm to the touch now and is caressing something,

Maybe bones.

 


There is a flash and a bang from up above.

I recognize it, in slow motion, as my father’s window, right next to mine

Followed by the bathroom.

 


I felt a pulsating shock roar through my chest and something warm

Ooze all over me; then I heard another

Blowing my leg out from under me, and another

Killing the shovel this time.

 


I dropped into his grave.

 


The score is even now.

I was guilty when six, maybe seven,

When I rode over his paw with my Tonka truck.

He wanted to kill me but didn’t.

 


A week later my dad killed him with three shots

Just out of the window over there.

He attacked my dad,

you see,

because I made him angry when I rolled my truck

Over his paw.

 


I am 382 miles from home now.

Can you take me back to my daughter and son?

Listen to the podcast here.

New Writer’s Creed

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Success comes when you are present

For others;

Success comes when you understand what

You hate;

Success comes when you listen to

Your Readers;

Success comes when you stop impressing

All Others;


Success comes when you are present

For Yourself;

Success comes only when you

Love Yourself;

Success can come only when you accept that

They don’t like you because

They don’t like themselves;


Success is a cumulation of well-taken failures

And, if borne well,

Failures are sometimes masterpieces in disguise.

Dear Washington, We are Not Your Prey; We are Your People

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The following was written a few years ago. It is not meant as an anti-American rant; rather, given recent decisions by the U.S. government, the issue seems more relevant than ever and serves as a warning to other rising nations. If our only interest is in power and control, one that publicly rallies behind human rights, democracy, and justice but ignores these in the pursuit for profit, collapse seems inevitable. What is offered here is what some believe to be an “alternative truth.” 

Dear Washington and Rising Powers:

We are embarking upon the most challenging periods in our history in that the threats we face as a nation are not necessarily the conjured-up plans of some suspicious foreign power; rather, they are the combination of years of arrogant and short-sighted foreign policy and a diseased form of capitalism that threatens to hijack our now complacent government. This “disease” can use the government’s own citizens as prey while treating those, even allies outside of it, with total disregard.

For years you claimed that you were against being “isolationist,” but what did that mean? In truth, what that really meant was that our nation did not want to be neutral. It wants to pick a side. And in picking a side, we must always be on the right one. A dead person can never tell her story, but we can tell it for her and make ourselves the hero. We are the superior; she the inferior. Our nation, then, without question, is honorable. We always pick the right side. We always pick the leader that leads proper, even a current dictator.

Our nation was so honorable and so anti-isolationist that it became the world’s savior and police officer. It, as the only honorable and moral nation in the world, as the free republic, as the greatest democracy, can lead the globe through American supremacy in both military strength and financial dominance. This proves our superiority and purity in the eyes of God as better than all other nations and human beings. HE has blessed the secular Christian in us. God Bless America, and all others must obey us to appreciate being free. Embrace Walmart, the Golden Arches, and Bibles in your hotel chain nightstands, or die. Our nation was always isolationist: our way is the right way.

For anyone that is “rogue” or “defiant” there is a financial “sanction” that will starve the common people more than the elite. If such a state does not see the honor in our superiority and morality, then we will strike with might. And bombing will surely kill many more common people than elite, but that’s fine as long as the nation tells all of us at home that the operation is named properly as to not offend: “[the people we are bombing and killing with WMDs here] freedom.”

Political correctness is very important in our country, I would have you know. We are very sensitive to offending ourselves.

Political correctness — though a well-intentioned form of kindness — has quickly become a sneaky form of repressive and dangerous censure, and our “zero tolerance” for the truth can make us a nation of grand fallacy over a nation of stark truth, and no matter how powerful, no honorable nation can survive on fallacy alone. I fear our democracy is dead. It was completely killed on 9/11, not by the mostly Saudi men that carried out the attacks, but by your own hands years before.

Do you remember, my fellow Corporaticians, when “greed was good?”

But greed breeds hurt, hate, and retribution. Greed breeds instability, power vacuums, the need to build and use a military machine, to buy and sell WMDs (How is an F16 not a WMD?). Greed makes a convenient friend on day one, a spy on day two, a bedfellow on day three, and a dead body on day four, and his terrorist son on day five; and he gets “enhanced interrogation” at a “black” site from a government contractor in Romania on day six. Who knows what will happen on day seven? Do you?

We accuse him and say, “Why do YOU hate America? Why do you hate freedom?” Do you mean operation “Iraqi Freedom” that killed millions of Iraqis and sickened and traumatized millions of kids? Who attacked us? Saudi men from a terrorist network that the U.S. helped create when it abandoned Afghanistan and its “friends” years before. Do we now abandon the Syrian refugees, the Rohingya, the Kurds? Did we help the Iragis’? Did we not expand NATO when we said not? You know, I’ve been asked the same questions. I think I fear MY nation more. Now the Saudis struck US again, by killing a journalist man.

Money means more than democracy.

Because there is no freedom in sanctions; no honor in censure, no freedom in intimidation, no honor in murder, no freedom in lies, no honor in myths, and no government “of the people, for the people, and by the people” in killing people over the differences ideas of the mind bring.

No, we kill for profit, for power, and for control. People are in the way or are prey to use to prop up those ethically and morally void of feeling. We need resources, but greed, corporate monopolies, and presidential despots are the real threat to our national security, not people who hurt. No matter how many times “In God We Trust,” it’s a nation shrouded in rhetorically disguised corruption and mistrust. We make “crime” precise and so much so it’s as if no “crime” was ever committed. And we could, if desired, frame others just the same. That’s what greed can do, but it does not make a nation, only a totalitarian state masquerading as a nation.

No, we are not alone in our disease, but we lead the world in it, and in that should we be proud? Do you call this freedom? Do you call this democracy? Do you call this free thinking? Are you sure WE the PEOPLE are not WE the PREY?

I still have my mind and my liberty and somewhere we still have our country. I want my country back. Do you? Maybe it’s time to send a message to all of you on Capitol Hill, a statement: a vote in voting out EVERYONE “responsible” that holds office, no matter what the label. People are not your prey; we are your people. Our nation’s strength should be taken from what is engraved on the Statue of Liberty, which current events have restrained in parentheses (“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free”), not greed and corporate-constructed alternative truths.

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