Misogynist Memorandum

Concept for young sexy female car repair

Date: July, throughout the years

To: Wretched Wrench-Wielding Wenches

From: Random Patriarchal Interpretations (aka: society)

 

It has come to my attention that several wenches under our employ are wielding wrenches–some physical and others the virtual equivalent. I personally understand how such desperate and wanton women would desire to forcibly twist and pull the nuts off those that make their lives ever more difficult and fraught with fear, even when, often, for their own good.

As one that has been both on the receiving end of such violence and that has enjoyed his male privilege extensively, I ask our ladies to think back to simpler days and their “lady ancestries.” Be nice to men.

If only she would come to work and look more young and make her bosses coffee when they ask that of her, as well as any other errands or favors that men fancy. Serving is the best way to a promotion for young servant girls, and even if one is not so young, she should try to fool her boss with wantonness for him–not being miserable, base, and mean. Such little-girl behavior will lead to her defamation. I am interpreting Shakespeare’s meaning here, and we all know that he was quite the feminist of the 1600s. Women could not be feminists then, nor could they be tastefully employed. Those were surely better days.

Women, I find, cannot help it. It’s in the nature of a wretched wench. In other words, she should aim to fool us where youth dies but experience lives. She probably won’t fool us for young ladies always take initiative to be noticed and are less self-conscious than the older she. They are less clever too, therein notice men’s advantage? I am giving the plot away!

Don’t you know that for women experience is a demotion not a promotion?  Since being young and virgin (and stupid helps) is a poor long-term plan, giving up is the best advantage. So from now on, smile instead of frown, be pleasant instead of mean, and never seem desperate, even with the customer (or your bosses) for you will scare them away, even if you are not wielding a wrench. To be ladylike is to be pleasant and young-looking, at least in spirit. So wrenches are forbidden as no woman should ever defend herself against a man, either physically or psychologically. That is unladylike as is giving into a man and getting caught as a result of her desperation. Desire is never a man’s fault. I believe it says so in great books?

No more twisting off nuts, please, or such a wench might find herself in HR. Let us protect her, but then again we don’t protect violent wenches, do we? Oh, sorry. My bad?

Let me rephrase all of this. In the end, no matter what happens to a “girl,” we reserve the right to enforce the negative connotation over the positive. No matter how she looks at it, it’s her fault and men’s privilege. A man can do no wrong when with the lesser sex.

(From the Author) Actaully, I don’t know what to think of this. I wrote it a while ago. I kind of like and hate it, so I will let you decide. 

 

 

Does Feminism have You Worried? Try Chick-in-the-Box

The following contains mature language and may be offensive to some; adults only.

Depositphotos_49692699_original

Does the term rape culture have you pissed off lately? Have you had enough of feminists trying to tell you that you are mansplaining? Are you just plain sick of your girlfriend—you know that girl you follow on Facebook that says leave her alone, but you think “no” means yes?

Have you finally had enough of talking at women and trying to understand them, when you know what is right? They don’t get it or understand you? Tired of women not smiling all the time because them smiling at you means they want you?

Well, I have the lifesaver for you. Now you can order a real lifelike Chick-in-the-Box. That’s right. Chick-in-the-Box gives you all of a girls’ best features while eliminating things we all hate so much about real women.

  • Chick-in-the-Box does not gain weight; her weight is preset.
  • Chick-in-the-Box has hair where it counts—on her head—and nowhere else.
  • Chick-in-the-Box requires no birth control or use of condoms.
  • Chick-in the Box has no self-esteem, so she works in any sexual position including but not limited to gang bangs, jerk circles, forced, single and multiple oral sex, and the thing no real woman would ever do: the money shot. She will even let Rover clean up the mess you make of her (though this is not recommended).
  • Chick-in-the-Box, unlike a real woman, is very low maintenance. She requires no food, unless you are a food-o-phile. She is perfect from head to toe.
  • Chick-in-the-Box accepts all major fetishes, from hair to foot fetishes.
  • Chick-in-the-Box won’t judge you because she appreciates how hard you work and good you are.
  • Chick-in-the-box likes all penis sizes and even an occasional vagina.
  • Chick-in-the-Box has no voice. She comes with the “fuck-and-forget” feature. As soon as you climax (time varies between two seconds to one minute), you can forget she is there and get the sleep you need. We do, however, offer the Bitch-in-the-Box model for those men that like smacking after a little bitching. Her voice comes with an off switch, don’t worry.
  • You can cheat on Chick-in-the-Box with our other versions. She won’t mind.
  • Chick-in-the-Box is fully customized to fit your worthy expectations and desires. You can chose her hair color, skin color, nipple size, nipple color, type of vagina, finger and toe nail polish, race, height and even age is unlimited.
  • Finally, Chick-in-the-Box will stay with you forever. And we mean forever with our “You will Freak Everyone Out But Your Friends Will Bang Her if You Have Friends Guarantee.”*

Hurry and order now. Once men find out about Chick-in-the-Box, they will soon be all gone. Prices start at $6,500.00. Just imagine: right now you could be fucking instead of talking.

*Disclaimers: Chick-in-the-Box looks so real that the postal service may confiscate your package assuming there is a dead body being delivered to your residence. Expect a delay during delivery.

There have been reports that the doll’s eyes follow customers around the room, the heads turn backwards, and that some dolls vomited on the customer (though after further investigation, it was the dude’s old rancid bodily fluids. You do have to clean Chick-in-the-Box regularly. The fuck-and-forget feature does not offer self-cleaning at this time.

We advise against hiding Chick-in-the-Box in the closet, under the bed, in the attic or basement since she may feel victimized or cause someone who would actually come to your place of residence to have cardiac arrest, except those with warrants for your arrest.

We strongly urge costumers not to throw Chick-in-the-Box in a dumpster or on the curb for trash pick-up, as this will result in a 911 call and even media coverage of you and your residence for a suspected murder. 

Do not bury or hack the limbs of Chick-in-the-Box because that’s just wrong.

Do not set Chick-in-the-Box on fire because you would be sick to do such a thing.

We do not take refunds on your used goods. We suggest that if you want to get rid of Chick-in-the-Box, sell her used ass on E-bay and be sure to clean her. Good luck with that.

We suggest you adopt Chick-in-the-box as a member of your family. Don’t worry, your mother already figured out that there is little hope for you. We even include a “condolences” card for your mother.

A Beautiful Dancer Magnified

dancer – young beautiful teen girl dancing at studio, series (depositphotos.com)

What is it like to be a beautiful dancer

Of ballet, of jazz, of modern dance

The traditional tutus and gowns the midriff and scantily-liberated playfulness

Of Dance shorts booty shorts and gymnastics leotards

Lace, bobby socks, stockings and stocking-less-ness

And dance shoes, boots or bare feet

The celebration but visual dissection of the body, tightly clothed, barely

Clothed translucent in its femininity and grace but ever present in the instant

Wonderfully natural in free movement and tauntingly fluid

In being unnatural-classical?


The pointed toes, developed calves, but the lovely long legs,

Kicking out legacy after legacy

The feet in the air, toe-tips holding the body

As if boneless but still standing

Strong, taut stomachs glaring with sweat

The pumping pelvis, swaying hips and the booty popping

Never stopping but hardly once only to smile in blazing lights,

The heat of being viewed under visual amplification

And through the makeup and the tears of perfection

I see her then in the “preamble” the still pose in the beginning before the

Dancing

She is statue like, glares at the audience with a surety, with a classical

Confidence this time

And she holds out her hand so much so that one often misses that she does

Not have one

Yet, she’s the premier ballerina, center on stage, under the magnifying glass

I am moved with I-cannot-help-it tears.


This is what it means to be a girl on “being-seen steroids”

But she handles it with hand-less arm outstretched

In a beautifully vulnerable but tough-as-steel moment

While her parent seems doubtful, unsure, and protective

Whisking the girl away after, a blur of peach-colored nylon

A glimpse of a blushed face and double eyeliner

An act of being tentatively unseen-seen


She was there, she was classic-classical but intriguing

Boldly confident within the confines of adolescent uncertainty

But with a poise of a mature women

Where we peer at her, magnify her, and assess

If she’s good or not, cute or not, pretty or not,

Fat or not, skinny or not, or noticed or not.

Click here for a podcast of this poem.